Review with Fertility Clinic - IMSI or ICSI?

Today we had our follow up/review with our RE to talk through our failed ICSI cycle. 

It felt like forever since we received news that our first ICSI cycle was unsuccessful. It really has only been two weeks, it's gone fast, being back at work has been a good distraction.

Our RE was quite surprised that we had a negative result, everything looked good on paper when we started the cycle, I nearly over-responded to the meds, our embryo looked good, the transfer went well however as it was a Day 3 transfer there is no telling if the embryo made it to a Day 5 blasty, or just didnt stick.

Meds - they think I responded fine, we will keep the next treatment cycle the same. Same iu of Puregon and Orgalutran, another short protocol which is super good news!!

Sperm quality - We talked at length about DH's sperm samples and why there was a drastic change form his October 14 sample compared to his February/March 15 treatment sample. It sometimes happens. As he is not overweight, he doesn't smoke, doesn't drink too much and otherwise eats healthy we put it down to him having a virus that week and being possibly run-down. She gave his boys a quick once-over and confirmed there was nothing out of the ordinary that could contribute, so we have some reading to do on the techniques to improve sperm quality.

Egg quality - she thinks its fine, out of our 12 eggs only 8 were fit for fertilisation, the other 4 had issues. The 'ICSI' part of the fertilisation process went well as there were no notes to suggest otherwise, 6 of the 8 just didn't develop, we had 2 fertilised, but with a Day 3 transfer the odds are never really good, that's when miracles happen. She will meet with the Embryogist again to see if they have anything further to add but really its a chance thing.. more eggs, more embryo's ...more chances.

Elevit and Menevit. We didn't want to have to go there but we will now. We do eat healthy but feel its important to give our bodies all the little extra's it may need, its not proven it makes a difference but willing to give it a try. DH will do another sample after 4+ weeks on the Menevit and we will see if that has made a difference. If we are still looking at a poor sample they may look at performing a TESA (sperm is aspirated from the testicle via micro surgery) for our next cycle (DH sooo keen for that NOT to happen). This should be covered by our funding so would be an option at this stage.

Laproscopic egg retrieval from right ovary? Doing this privately would cost a minimum of $10k and even that isnt guaranteed to improve our chances, some woman get 24 eggs and still end up with 2 embryos. That would be the cost of a third IVF cycle so we have decided against that option. The pain I suffered from just letting the eggs release on their own was not as bad as I thought and totally bearable so we will be doing that again.

So...outcome?..we are booked in again for Cycle #2 early June 15! woop woop! I still have to confirm if that is when she's booked us for the transfer during that time (starting stims on May cycle) or she will wait for my June cycle to start stims, either way that's not far away! That gives us 12 weeks for me to have a couple of normal cycles, let the vitamins kick in, assess DH's follow up sample and to make some decisions about the options.

It has now been suggested that we try IMSI, its a fairly new procedure that will assist the embryologists to zoom in even further and select the very best sperm for fertilisation. Its not covered by public funding but we want it! so likely we will be doing IMSI next time, all will be confirmed in May.

http://www.stuff.co.nz/auckland/local-news/7505965/Picking-out-best-sperm-boosts-pregnancy-chances 

I talked to her about all the 'whispers' you hear in the infertility community, all the things I worried about in my last cycle. Acupuncture is not proven to work so im opting for a relaxing massage instead. Exercise she said not a must, if I don't feel like it don't do it. I will be getting back into my prenatal yoga, stair-climbing, walking, biking in the meantime. One thing we will be changing is SLEEP! 8 hours a must this time round. As for eating pineapple core and drinking lemon water? I say don't believe everything you read. If they really thought that would help me, they would have told me. 

We will have more idea of treatment time-frame once I track my April and May cycles, i'll let you know when the countdown begins! 

Our first BFN and ICSI/IVF Fail #1

So I woke this morning at 7.00am to do my pessaries and pills and decided to go back to bed for a sneaky sleeping while I waited for the clinic to call. It was cold and I didn't want to get up and be tired again today, these meds have really been turning me into a zombie.

They called and woke me up just before 8.00am, the clinic opens then and she really kept her promise by calling me straight away first thing. I was sooo sleepy but she kept it short and sweet.

"We have your results, they are negative, I'm really sorry". What is she sorry for? its not her fault? She felt so bad, I think first for making me wait and then again for bad news. I almost felt sorry for her as I bet that part of the job is really hard for them. She asked if I wanted the counsellor to call, I said I would be fine as between my family, friends, workmates and FB group ladies I have plenty of support, esp from those that have been through this many times. Difference is I was more prepared for the bad news than I was the good. Somehow I knew, I could tell, symptoms or no symptoms, I knew I wasn't pregnant, I could have been for a short time but knew I wasn't then. Everyone kept telling me to stay positive, its pretty hard when all the odds are stacked against you. IVF fails for all sorts of reasons, we knew going into it that we were not going to be the ones with a first go BFP. That would have been a freaking miracle. This is the struggle of infertility.

We have a review appt with our RE on 30th March. This will be a recap of Cycle #1, to talk about Cycle #2 and hopefully formalise a plan. 

I am concerned my endometriosis might have started to grow back by now, my OB/GYN did say 6 months after my op, i'll be taking to my RE about that, DH's sperm and what we can do to improve that for next time, so many questions.

Well that's it for now, off out today to get some jobs done finally, I'm back to work tomorrow, glad it's only for one day as I will spend this weekend getting the house and garden back in order, that will make me feel better. Feels weird that life is back to normal all of a sudden, IVF really is like living in the twilight zone for a month.

TTC - ICSI cycle #1 - CD28

Wednesday 11.03.15 - CD28. it was finally here after a looong wait.

The day we had all been waiting for. The day of our first beta-HCG blood test, the day we will find out the results. I did not cave, did not buy a HPT as I think they stress you out even more. I decided to stay home this day as I wanted to speak to the clinic when they phoned rather than them leave a message. I knew if I went out I would either be driving or wouldn't hear my phone (as you know I wouldn't have ended up at the mall shopping).

I was up at 5.45am as the blood collection centre based near our fertility clinic gets very busy so I was there waiting in the car at 7.00am when it opened. You have to have test done prior to 8.00am if you want early results through. There were already 2 before me and one guy turned up as I entered centre, then another 2 as I sat down. Its such a busy place. I was done by 7.20am. Off home I went to wait for the results.

I had planned to keep busy but it was freezing so ended up mooching for most of the day, did a few jobs here and there but still didn't want to overdo it, thought it was best to save all my housework till Thursday as last day before going back to work.

Lets just say it was a looooong wait. Midday came, still no call. DH turned up home for lunch and persuaded me to phone the clinic to chase results about 2.00pm. I got the answering machine. I told him I'd call again by 3.30pm if no call. I called then and left a message. The do the final clear of the answering machine at 4.30pm daily so im sure I will get a call today.

I got a call on my mobile at 4.30pm. They still haven't got my HCG results. They had my Progesterone and E2 which both looked good but no HCG, apparently there was an issue with the analyser at the lab. They were hopeful they would get the results that night and call me as they were all working late. You've got to be joking right? Isn't that just my luck? 

Another call at 5.00pm, this time still no results, she apologised profusely for the agonising wait and told me I was first on the list for a call in the morning if they could get the results through that night.

Seems that we have had some really shitty luck so far on this cycle. DH and I never really have anything in our lives run smoothly, so we can take it. I just really hope they call first thing so I can get on with my day. 

TTC - ICSI cycle #1 - CD26

Today is the first day of my last week off work. Man that went fast! It will be great to have something else to focus on going back to work, just not looking forward to the stress levels again, this is the year to not let it get to me. Easier said than done.

I went out for a lovely dinner with my family on the weekend for my brothers birthday. Was great to put on some make-up and jewellery and go out somewhere. Forgot I was PUPO for a while there until someone asked how things were going so DH filled them in and showed them a pic of our wee Emby1 at 8 cells before it went back in. He's so proud. 
I keep forgetting that it is still possible at this stage! As we have not had the best luck so far I just keep having a gut feeling that it hasn't worked. I don't know why... maybe it's because I have no obviously symptoms? Maybe its because of all the other stories of IVF that I am surrounded by? I supposed as of yesterday the HCG would have only just started kicking in. I will be shocked beyond belief if we get levels high enough for a BFP.

Today I am 9dp3dt, I can't believe we are now so close to 'the blood test'. I haven't posted much over last three days as there hasn't been much to report. Trying not to be on symptom watch, if anything I seem to be feeling slightly better. The bloating as subsided quite a bit, don't get me wrong I'm still bloated just not feeling so huge. Cramping seems to be off and on but it's hard to distinguish what exactly is crampy as it has been my ovaries, my stomach, my bowels. Definitely no spotting so far. Still feeling peeky throughout the day, normally when I havent eaten, rolling between being hungry and not, I am trying to eat all my food groups and snack across the day but yesterday gave into my cheese cravings and ate a little two much so spent a few hours on the couch after that.. Definitely thirsty so have been drinking as much water as I can from the moment I wake up to the when I go to sleep. It has been hot here so that's probably not helping. Tired? yes lots. I have been going back to bed in the morning after my 7.00am pessaries and pill and getting about 10 hours sleep most days. That is really helping. Having a lazy day again today as I'm out to visit a friend tomorrow in the afternoon.

So, CD28 (Wednesday) is the day, will update again once we get the call with results. 

TTC - ICSI cycle #1 - CD22

Today I spent an entire day on the couch. I did do two loads of washing and unloaded the diswasher but that was about it. Harder than i thought! I decided because I spent the afternoon out yesterday and got stuck in traffic in my stinking hot car (i have no aircon) that id spend a no bra, no makeup day inside today, i was a bit crampy yesterday but apart from that my severe bloat has actually sorted itself out, i still look 5 months pregnant tho but its not as sore. My right ovary also has started to reduce in size finally. Bit nauseous. Still not overly hungry, seem to have gone off chicken, have constant craving for cheese and constantly thirsty, Definitely think I slept right through last night, that was a first in a number of weeks. Still tired but sitting round does that to you. Im hoping for a walk tomorrow.

So where are we at? 5dp3dt. According to this list below implantation should be starting or underway now.  Still a long wait but have a busy weekend planned so distractions are welcomed!! Im sure next week will come around quick. Wish I had achieved more on my time off... made the mistake of checking work emails, its going to be weird going back end of next week, sounds like lots of changes there while ive been away... would love this to be my last year of work for a while. Ill keep wishing.

This is what happens after a 3 day transfer:

1 day post transfer - Embryo is growing and developing
2  days post transfer - Embryo is now a blastocyst
3 days post transfer - Blastocyst hatches out of shell on this day
4 days post transfer - Blastocyst attaches to a site on the uterine lining
5 days post transfer - Implantation begins,as the blastocyst begins to bury in the lining
6 days post transfer - Implantation process continues and morula buries deeper in the lining
7 days post transfer - Morula is completely inmplanted in the lining and has placenta cells &  fetal cells
8 days post transfer - Placenta cells begin to secret HCG in the blood
9 days post transfer - More HCG is produced as fetus develops
10 days post transfer - More HCG is produced as fetus develops
11 days post transfer - HCG levels are now high enough to be immediately detected on HPT

TTC - ICSI cycle #1 - CD21

...and then there was 1. The 1 on-board...hopefully the lucky 1, the sticky 1, the strong 1. It's now our last remaining Emby. Emby2 didn't make it, nice of them to ring and tell me, apparently they send you a letter... that's a real personal touch, had to call this morning to find out. We are just a chart number really, so many people in same boat. I had a feeling it would happen like this, so was prepared for that news.

Today is the first day since we started this cycle that I have begin to feel somewhat human! My ovaries are finally not so swollen and my body must be slowly getting used the medications on-board, I am losing weigth however so trying to snack more, hard when you're not actually hungry, I'm too full of water. Im hopefully sleeping enough, I'm going to sleep at the same time every night (11.00pm) and my body is getting used to the routine now as I have to be up at 7.00am for meds. Then having a wee sleep-in till 9.00ish.  

I am venturing out again today to visit a friend so that will be nice, it really seems to help moving around, still trying not to do too much tho, yesterday I took Dad to a hospital appt, the walk from the car-park there was great. Then bit of groceries and cooked a yummy dinner for hubby and I.

So today is 4dp3dt, 7 days to go till first HCG blood-test. I'm not stressing too much as its pretty hard to pick symptoms when you are on so many meds and early pregnancy symptoms are pretty much like PMS anyways. I have vowed not to break and HPT as that will just stress us out even more, so will be trying to do at least one thing to distract me every day.

Come on Emby1, hang in there, you can do it.

TTC - ICSI cycle #1 - CD19

Feeling much better today, think my body is finally getting used to the extra progestone and estrogen they are pumpimg me full of. DH wakes me up every morning to take my pills & pessaries then i go back to sleep for a few more hours. Ive ben waking in the night, which is unlike me, so good to get that extra sleep.

Feeling hungrier today which is great as didnt yesterday and started to lose a little bit of weight. Im concious of eating more and all my food groups as not taking vitamin supplements just yet. All ive been doing today is munching and seem to have a daily hankering for cheese and crackers.

Today am 6dpo (days past ovulation or retreival) or 3dp3dt ( days past transfer). Wee Emby1 will hopefully be between a Morula and Blastocyst at the moment, still few days off implantation so have been continuing to take it easy. They say to carry on normal daily activites but its just so hard not to do too much. Managed a few little jobs today, Im bloody exhausted and saving my energy for my trip out tomorrow.   

So only 3 days into my 2WW, only 9 days to go. I have a lot on come end of the week, im sure ill be kept busy enough and that time will fly by!