They called and woke me up just before 8.00am, the clinic opens then and she really kept her promise by calling me straight away first thing. I was sooo sleepy but she kept it short and sweet.
"We have your results, they are negative, I'm really sorry". What is she sorry for? its not her fault? She felt so bad, I think first for making me wait and then again for bad news. I almost felt sorry for her as I bet that part of the job is really hard for them. She asked if I wanted the counsellor to call, I said I would be fine as between my family, friends, workmates and FB group ladies I have plenty of support, esp from those that have been through this many times. Difference is I was more prepared for the bad news than I was the good. Somehow I knew, I could tell, symptoms or no symptoms, I knew I wasn't pregnant, I could have been for a short time but knew I wasn't then. Everyone kept telling me to stay positive, its pretty hard when all the odds are stacked against you. IVF fails for all sorts of reasons, we knew going into it that we were not going to be the ones with a first go BFP. That would have been a freaking miracle. This is the struggle of infertility.
We have a review appt with our RE on 30th March. This will be a recap of Cycle #1, to talk about Cycle #2 and hopefully formalise a plan.
I am concerned my endometriosis might have started to grow back by now, my OB/GYN did say 6 months after my op, i'll be taking to my RE about that, DH's sperm and what we can do to improve that for next time, so many questions.
Well that's it for now, off out today to get some jobs done finally, I'm back to work tomorrow, glad it's only for one day as I will spend this weekend getting the house and garden back in order, that will make me feel better. Feels weird that life is back to normal all of a sudden, IVF really is like living in the twilight zone for a month.
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