2WW - 8dpt - Deja Vu

And then there was ONE. This situation seems a little familiar.

So took the day off today to help my Dad out with transport to a hospital appt. An afternoon at home staring at an envelope I was too scared to open without DH was not a great idea.

I talked to my support group and they suggested waiting till BETA day... nope, want to be able to digest the news, however bad, in small pieces thanks.

So news today neither Hope or Chance made it. No frosties. No second or third transfer. This is it. It all comes down to Precious sticking.

We are feeling a range of emotions today. Trying very hard to stay positive for BETA on Friday. Think its time to look at the budget and start planning/saving for a possible 4th cycle. Maybe. Dunno.

3 more sleeps. Then we will decide. Maybe we just weren't suppose to be parents. Don't know why, we'd make pretty great ones.

2WW - 7dpt - Still no letter

So no letter again today... arghh! I think the crazy might be setting in a bit. Lucky I have good friends and supportive family to talk me off the ledge. Had a small meltdown when home from work and I  just turned on some James Bay and cooked tea was over my wee tanty in minutes. I have to keep reminding myself that stressing isnt going to change the outcome and will use all my remaining energy.

Till tomorrow.... I have day off and no.. I won't spend it staring at the letterbox haha.

2WW - 6dpt - Over halfway there

So I made it to the weekend! Who would have thought two days at work would have been sooo draining. I'm kind of glad I went back as it was good to be kept busy and feel normal for a few days. Not sure anyone likes my brutal honesty these hormone medications have brought me this cycle. I'm sure they will get over it. Works been very tiring tho and not so great having to do my pessaries at work but at least it's for only my 3pm lot. It's all for a very good cause!

This weekend has been good. I have been out to the shops with my DH so that was a good walk around and managed a few light chores done, few loads of washing, little bit of vacuuming. Rest of the weekend has been spent on the couch tho. DH treated me with a new computer hooked up to our TV so I'm now able to blog from here so pretty pleased about that, blogging via my phone was a drag, sooo much editing required!

So these past few days my embryo has meant to have been implanting. That has been the hardest part to get my head around, how can you just carry on as normal when you know that a tiny wee bundle of cells is trying desperately to attach itself to your body. So every time I bend over, crouch down, carry something, sneeze, cough, get a fright... these all lead to pangs of fear, guilt and frustration of not knowing what's going on in there.

Tomorrow implantation will or will not be complete. It will or will not have attached. These next few days are going to be the biggest struggle I think, waiting for any sign or symptom that it might have worked as HCG will start producing by Tuesday or Wednesday this week. I thought ahead and got myself a de-stressing colouring book. I shall start tomorrow night and just try and zone out for a while.

Letter did not arrive this weekend to let us know re our other two embryo's so I was a bit bummed about that. I'm sure it will come tomorrow, what's one more day of waiting right. That has me so anxious as we will find out if we have any more chances left, this may be the end of the road for us.

Deep breath. Tomorrow is a new day. 

2WW - 2dpt - The first two days

So. Rest up they say. Don't try and do too much. Easier said than done! this time I haven't been so obsessed with not moving like I was last time haha. My body is telling me what I should and shouldn't be doing. I've had a lot of cramping and back pain which I'm putting down to my ovaries recovering. Trying to drink a lot of water and move around as much as I can as that helps. The nausea has calmed down a bit which is nice as I'm trying to eat as much good food as possible to keep my energy levels where they need to be. 

I've decided to wait for my letter from the clinic about Hope and Chance. I really want DH to be there when I find out their fate. The letter should be sent on Thursday/Day 6 (freezing day) so I should have it by Friday or Saturday hopefully.

I've managed a bit of washing, loading and unloading the dishwasher, lighting the fire. The housework is piling up around me now and i'm trying to ignore it, at least for the first few days. My DH cleaned up his office on the weekend so I'm hiding out there with the cats for a few hours a day. Thank goodness for the internet. Trying not to symptom google though but did find this very helpful chart. I'm currently at 2dpt (days past transfer).

Days past 3 day transfer	Embryo Development
1	The embryo continues to grow from a 6-8 cell embryo into a morula (16-64 cells)
2	The cells of the morula continue to divide, developing into a blastocyst (70-100 cells)
3	The blastocyst begins to hatch out of its shell
4	The blastocyst continues to hatch out of its shell and begins to attach itself to the uterus
5	The blastocyst attaches deeper into the uterine lining, beginning implantation
6	Implantation continues
7	Implantation is complete, cells that will eventually become the placenta and fetal cells begin to develop
8	Placenta cells secrete human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG) into the blood stream
9	Fetal development continues and hCG continues to be secreted
10	Fetal development continues and hCG continues to be secreted
11	Levels of hCG are now high enough to detect a pregnancy on HPT. GO TEST!! (if you haven't already...)

Trying to decide if I go back to work tomorrow, if that is the best thing to do. It's really just a drive there, short walk and sitting at a desk all day. Its going to be no different to being here. I'll just be warm and distracted which sounds good to me! There is not much else I can do to improve the outcome really. I'm not bungy jumping or running marathons, pulling all nighters or doing the spring cleaning. I just don't want to catch any of the colds and flu's going round there at the moment. Decision to make by tonight I suppose.

Anyhoo....that's all to report for now. Only 2 days in!! 9 to go. Trying to stay positive.

TTC - IMSI cycle #2 (IVF cycle #3) - CD18 - PUPO!!... again

The day started with me refusing to get out of bed. It's cold today and I'm not in the mood to start the fire plus we are running out of firewood again so I lay in till DH went to work. 

It turns out I poorly timed my morning as it wasn't long before DH turned up home to pick me up and I was running behind so I quickly got dressed and we jumped in the car and calmly drove as quick as we could to the clinic. Good we were running late as once again I overdid it with the water consumption, bit uncomfortable however nowhere near as bad as last time. Glad he was driving and not me. We found a park and got in there with time to spare.

We weren't there for long and the nurse came and took me in so I could gown up and prepare for when my RE was ready. She was about 15 mins away. She took me to the transfer room and I sat for a bit talking to her before the Embryologist came for a chat. Was soooo nerve-wracking to hear the news but relieved to learn that all three Embryo's divided! Thank goodness, that's the first hurdle!

Precious (seen below), the embryo we transferred today, the front-runner is only at 7 cells and slightly fragmented which makes me nervous (fragmentation). Emby1 our first transfer was an 8 cell with no fragmentation. Normally they would have more to choose from and let them progress to Day 5 before they choose and assess the grade during that time. DH and I don't have that option so they will just have to go with what they have and cross everything and hope for a miracle! My RE was a little disappointed that the 8 mature eggs didn't fertilise better but also agreed it was better than none at all.

Hope and Chance are still in the running however are only at 4 & 5 cells and have quite a bit of catching up to do. They will check them again on Day 5 (Wednesday) and let us know the outcome. If they look good they might even let one go till Day 6 and then freeze. Pleeeease let us come out of this with some decent grade frosties!

The procedure didn't take long at all, I was a lot calmer this time around and was relieved to hear when the Embryologist confirmed the catheter was clear after the transfer. It made it in there just fine. Now to look after it for the next 10 days. I have the next 2 days off work for some sleep-ins and to eat properly and rest up. I'm not sitting down for the next two days with my feet in the air though. You don't get the luxury of waiting at the clinic for hours with you feet up like you do in the US. They literally want you to continue as normal as possible, just no spas or baths, lucky I don't like either. No heavy lifting or running too much. Moving around improves blood flow so if the weather improves I'm planning a gentle walk tomorrow and next day.

So there you have it. Pregnant until proven otherwise... again. Our clinic even said they are hoping this is it for us. Hoping for a miracle!! Keep everything crossed for us.

BETA test - Friday 4th September. The 2WW begins.

TTC - IMSI cycle #2 (IVF cycle #3) - CD16 - How many made it?

We woke very early as I didn't want to be half asleep when we got the call from the clinic.

I had breakfast and mooched around in my pjs waiting for the phone to ring... they were actually very punctual and phoned when they said they would, shortly after 9.00am.

Out of the 9 eggs we collected 8 were mature which is fantastic and out of those the finally tally for fertilisation was.... 3 Embryos! 

We were ecstatic as that could have very easily been none... we were thankful that obviously the IMSI had worked better this time and that we had a better result, one more than last time!

We are unsure of the quality at this stage but the embryologist sounded very happy with the result so they must be doing better than last time. We are now booked for a Day 3 Transfer again as you have to have 4+ embryos to have a 5 Day transfer. I'm excited to get one on board the mother-ship and see how the other two progress. I would love to have asked for two back but that is too risky with my uterus and we have a small chance of one splitting let alone two and I don't have the room for 4 in there! and it does happen... check out this blog The Quad Squad.

So Monday morning we will be transferring Precious back in... that will be the one that will be most ready... then Hope and Chance will have to wait and see how they progress over the coming days, will get a photo of them all and post on Monday.

Looking forward to it even though inside I'm terrified of the outcome. One day at a time right.

TTC - IMSI cycle #2 (IVF cycle #3) - CD15 - Egg Collection

Egg Collection day!!! it was finally here. 

We were very lucky to get to this point again I think. Trigger on Wednesday went really well on after fourth lot of bloods that week to confirm my hormone levels were where they needed to be. Was glad for that to be my last blood test for a while after two nurses on Wednesday morning butchered my vein, but no, another blood test required for Thursday to confirm trigger worked. Maybe this one will be my last.

My nurse said she would only call on Thursday if the trigger didn't work so when i didn't hear from her by 5.00pm Thursday, I was relieved. I knew we were ready though as I was now starting to get very unconformable, especially on my right side as that ovary is way closer to the skin and gets squished up when i bend over.

We had to be at our Fertility clinic early again, 9.30am, not as early as last time so that was good. We arrived at 9.00am-ish as DH had decided to do his part at home this time which was heaps nicer for him, we wrapped it up in a merino sock and tried to keep it as warm as we could on the way there. The Men's Room at the clinic is right next to the lab and says it's sound proof but you can hear all the lab staff talking through the wall, plus it's like a little sick bay area with a crackly radio and a draw full of magazines which you wouldn't wanna touch really haha.  

We still were waiting at 9.30am as they were running behind so really werent taken until 10.00am. One of the nurses came and got us and took us to what i call the holding bay to do blood pressure, give me my sleepy meds, get me gowned up and warm my hands up ready for the doctor to put my line in. They only gave me half a tablet this time so I was loads more awake and making more sense DH said. It was nice for him to wait with me this time as last time he was off doing his thing. He helped me get changed and put my clothes away for me and put on my lucky socks.

Once my line was in they walked me down to the collection room where there was one nurse and two embryologist team ready waiting. The specialist started by scanning to have a look and noticed there was still sizeable blood vessel sitting in-front of my left ovary which was there on my original scan earlier in the week, they were wanting to be very careful so they didn't puncture it as that would have caused them a few issues. She then proceed to clean the area internally with a piece of gauze, that was hideously painful and that is when she realised the assisting nurse hadn't given me my pain relief yet. She quickly injected that into my arm which worked straight away and I was all of a sudden woozy. She said if I wanted more just to let her know. I think that was plenty. My bladder had somehow filled quite quickly again after trying to go two times prior to the procedure (i think that is the meds) so she quickly had to empty that with a catheter before we could proceed. Thank goodness i was drugged for that part. Also not very comfortable.

The draining of my follicles was the painless and easy part once she administered a local anaesthetic beforehand, I could watch on the screen as I was more awake this time so that was really cool. I don't know how she could make out what was what but she did and the embryologist kept letting us know how many had been collected... 1...2...6... and finally 9 eggs! Brilliant news, that meant all 9 of my follicles were drained successfully. Right all done, was all done very quickly. I was checked to make sure my blood vessel hadnt been compromised and then was popped in a wheelchair and wheeled into the tiny little ward room that they have to wake up properly. 

I was soo comfortable sitting in that lazy-boy with a little duvet and a hot water bottle that I didn't want to leave! It was a cold morning My blood pressure was taken again and looked fine, I was them given another shot in my stomach as I had used a Bureslin trigger shot, I had that last time too. Then I was given a hot drink and muffin as they like to know you are ok to eat and drink before you go. I was very awake which meant I could get dressed and leave earlier than expected but did use that time to text everyone and let them know the results. We were off home by midday and Fraser went off to work while I relaxed on the couch. I was very crampy for the rest of that day and ended up taking more panadol and crashing on the couch early that night.

Now the wait is on! we don't find out the results till the following day....

TTC - IMSI cycle #2 (IVF cycle #3) - CD11

Today was follow up follicle scan. There was good news and not so good news.

Good news is that I still have 9 follicles on my left which seem to have progressed. Largest at 17mm, smallest is about 12 mm which i think is still ok to collect from. 2 more days of Gonal F & Orgalutran injections then Blood test Wed to confirm time for trigger that night. Egg Collection booked for Friday!

Not so good news is from what they can see the right is under performing with only one decent sized follicle at 20mm. It's a pain as i think there is more there we just can't see it so surgery wont be going ahead. I was hoping for quantity again for this cycle.

Reality is that I could still end up with good quality eggs and all could fertilise this time. It only takes one good one and for one to stick. I have heard miracle stories through my support group and really believe it's time something fantastic happened for us, would be the best 10th wedding anniversary present for us next year.

Why do I not have more faith, hope and positivity this time round? is it because i prepare myself well for bad news?

Got to just get to and through Friday first then we shall see. Deep breath.

Next update will be CD13.

TTC - IMSI cycle #2 (IVF cycle #3) - CD8

Scan day! Went on my own today as DH still crook. Hes on antibiotics now so should be right by collection next week. It wasn't right for him to be bringing germs to the clinic.

Was nice and early for bloodtest and scan appt so nice not to be rushing. Im exhausted today, cant stop yawning. Just wish i could get to bed early. It never happens tho.

Saw another specialist today as mine doesnt work Fridays. She started my trying to find right ovary and i reminded her she wouldn't and straight away she said "ive scanned you before havent I".

Left ovary was very visible today with at least 9 decent size follicles which is great news,  last month I only had a few by that stage. Measuring in at largest few 12 mm there's a good chance theyll grow well through to Monday for second scan. Right ovary is lagging behind with only 4 that she could see. Still largest at 10-12 so thats good. Problem is it was hiding behind my bowels. I think there is a few more hiding there. Ill get them to have a good look Monday. I REALLY want laprascopic retrieval this time round. I need all the eggs i can get. Grow follies grow!

Three more days of Gonal F and Orgalutran and then back for scan two. They will decide then if we're ready, day for trigger and confirm collection day. If we track ok it will be one week from now.

Will update again once test results received.

TTC - IMSI cycle #2 (IVF cycle #3) - CD2-6

Stimming has been going really well this time around. Ive made more time to relax pre-injections and the Gonal F pen is way easier to use than the puregon. Same drug different drug company. The clinic switched just after my cancelled cycle.

Feeling very tired this time around, bit headachy too. Had two blood tests already this cycle. One to confirm baseline and was due for full blood screen again as last one was a year ago, the other was today as my TSH was up so they tested my T3, T4 and TSH again. Nurse text tonight to say all fine and my thyroxine dose can stay as is. Thank god for that as cant afford to lose any more weight, sitting at 58 kgs again which is optimal for this cycle. Trying to get more than exercise this cycle but with cold weather and feeling so tired its hard.

Started my Orgalutran injections tonight so another tomorrow then off for a scan Friday morning to check on these follicles. Please let there be enough to proceed. The more on the right ovary the better as that means well collect from both this time. Dont care how uncomfortable it makes me!

Really hoping DHs doctors appt tomorrow goes ok. Hes been unwell all week which is just typical as was sick for our first cycle too. He went to after-hours on weekend and they said just a virus but his wheezing sounds worse. Need him in tip top shape this time next week.

Will update again post scan wirh some good news hopefully 